Most of us have had a tough life.  (I know there are plenty who were born with silver spoons; I can guarantee I wasn’t one of them. Thankfully, I’ve had chances  to turn what I was proffered into a better shot at success.)  Plenty of folks, at times,  find themselves wandering through life suffering from the loss of  a loved one, being dumped, feeling alone, losing a job or not being paid a reasonable wage.

It’s part of the reason I “invented” my own extended family.  I needed those people surrounding me and being part of my life- because family, except for my kids, really never existed for me.

And, that is and example of one of the biggest tricks to getting through these negative feelings.  Acting “as if”.  Shrinks call this a “cognitive reframe”.  We set up an alternative to what really exists (or really doesn’t, except in our minds) to help us get through and actually change our reality.  This change in mindset is the crucial factor.

For many of you, this holiday season supplies many of those events that demand a reframe.  Instead of staying home alone, where that feeling of being alone and missing out  becomes overpowering, go over to someone else’s home.  Go to a party.  Help out at a homeless shelter.  Just do something different and don’t dwell on what’s missing, but revel in what’s new and what a difference in someone else’s life you can provide.

It’s how you can have the best possible holiday season.

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